It’s funny how one day you feel like you’re on top of the world and the next day you’re feeling blue.
Last time I wrote I was definitely feeling blue. You make an effort to meet new people – ask where they’re from and where they’re going, where they’ve been and how long they’re planning to stay. Some you click with, some you don’t. With the ones you do you realize you get along very well (what a relief!), spend a few days together and then, all of a sudden, they leave and you’re back to square one. With yourself as your only company.
When Lauren left I was feeling kind of low. Rinjani had been such an intense experience and we had gotten along so well that I was sad to see her go. Also, once more I had no idea what was going to happen next. Where was I going to stay and what was I going to do? Where did I want to go? I had no idea.
I’m kind of struggling to start over again. Not having anyone but yourself to lean onto, me being all I have. Sometimes – quite often, to be honest – I find myself thinking why do I keep doing this to myself. Why do I need to travel alone? Or, simply put, why do I always do it?
I guess it’s partly because I’m lazy. I find it kind of exhausting trying to match someone else’s schedule, in addition to which there’s only a handful of people who I think I could travel with. I guess I like being independent, although equally much I like keeping my people close to me.
As far as this trip’s concerned, though, things have turned out surprisingly well so far. In all the places I’ve been I’ve always met (new) people and found things to do. Things have always fallen into place.
Let me give you an example. On Tuesday I woke up all by myself (can you hear Celine Dion’s song playing?) to go to a yoga class starting at 7 am. I had googled the place and it seemed to be at walking distance from the hotel where I’d decided to stay for one more night until I’d change into a hostel. I got out at 6.45 am just to see that it was raining heavily and that the place was actually located not 3 (which, I should’ve realized, of course referred to the time it took to get there by motorbike) but 45 minutes away. Awesome.
I hadn’t had a proper dinner the night before and didn’t have any snacks, so I was hungry. I’d brought my laptop so that I could do my writing after class, but didn’t have an umbrella (or anything else, for that matter) to protect it with.
I decided to go to a class starting at 8.30 instead. I stayed at the hotel and did some writing, and started walking at 7.45 or so.
The blue spot marking my location on Google Maps was moving unbelievably slowly. A few locals on motorbikes drove past me and asked me if I needed a ride. No, thanks, I said, I’m happy to walk.
10 minutes later came another guy and when he asked me the same question (walking really did’t seem to be a thing here) I thought sure, why not. I jumped onto the back of his motorbike and off we went. “Ashtari Yoga really far away. Long walk”, he said. Yes, I know. I was thankful for the ride, however, because it really did seem to be quite far away.
We hadn’t gotten very far before it started pouring down again and we had to stop and wait for the rain to pass. We stood there with a couple of others for about 15 minutes after which we could get going again.
Normally this is something that I would never do, ever. Don’t trust strangers, you know. This time, however, I figured why not give the guy the benefit of the doubt, he seemed trustworthy after all. As you might’ve guessed, all went well and I got to my yoga class right in time for it to start.
In class I met a Belgian and a Canadian with whom I ended up getting a ride back into Kuta, just in time for checkout at noon.
And so I realized that my low had turned into a high again, a feeling of contentment and joy and “wow, I’m really doing this!” replacing my morning blues. Needless to say the rest of the day was spent in a way better mood: getting to know a group of people from the hostel where I’d just moved (once again by foot – it took ages!) over quesadillas and a Bintang.
So… reminder to self:
Leap, and the net will appear.