So this is how it goes. I feel the urge to write and sit down to do so only to find myself struggling with choosing the language and whether or not to do so for my eyes only or for yours, too. I’m indecisive, cannot make up my mind, so I just start writing and next thing I know, here we are.

What is it that I’m trying to say? To bear with me, maybe, because that is what this blog is all about: my thoughts, my insights, my learnings. Or, as in this case: my confusion and a daring attempt to sort it out.

Changing hostels at the beginning of the week marked the start of a new era. The ’holiday’ is over, for real this time, and it’s high time to start working. I’ve been applying for jobs here and there ever since I arrived in Sydney in December, asking friends of friends if they know of anything that matches what I’m looking for (which is vague to say the least).

To my great surprise I got a few leads, so I spent the first two weeks after Janet and the boys had left working on the blog while waiting to hear back from a few places. I had my first job interview and felt like nothing could stop me, but then I got ill, so the third week I didn’t do much for finding a job, either. I was simply not able to.

And it hit me like a slap in the face: I’m in this all by myself. No one is going to come knock on my door and ask me if I want to come and work for them. No one is going to take care of me when I’m sick. Only I can take me where I want to go, because no one knows and no one cares. Everyone’s busy with themselves.

Every night I’d go to bed because obviously I was still sick, while the others would go out. I realized that at the end of the day the only person that I can truly rely on is myself, no matter how good friends I make.

Anyways. On the weekend, despite still being sick, I attended a two-day coaching event offered by The Coaching Institute. It was titled Break Through To Coaching Success and I’d come across it on Facebook a few weeks earlier, noticed it was free of charge and signed up. Despite still being sick and suffering from stomach cramps so bad that I could barely stand straight, I got all fired up. Connecting with the real world, a driven community of like-minded people with similar interests to mine, I realized I have got to get out of the hostel and start living my life. I needed to get my shit together and stop wasting time in a place where I don’t feel comfortable. The sooner, the better.

I gave myself until Tuesday to get out of the Black Hole of Newtown, and soon found myself feeling like myself again.

I find that my biggest challenge is to take the first step. The endless array of possibilities out there makes it daunting to get started as technically I can do anything I want, but what do I want? Do I want a ‘proper’ job (although what is a ‘proper’ job?!) or do I want to do something inspiring and fun?

Would I rather earn good money in a job that’s alright or a little less doing something that I love?  Am I willing to look a little longer, work a little harder and live off of my savings until I find something that I really like?

And where do I want to work? I’d prefer not to have to commute from afar, which raises the question of where I would like to live. (Definitely not in Newtown!)

Theoretically speaking I might be able to do anything, yes, but where do I start?

A few weeks ago I got into a weekly goal-setting routine with a few people who I’ve met along the way where each Monday we’d set three personal goals for the coming week and review the one’s from the week before. Although we agreed on job-related goals being banned as we’re all looking for jobs, one of my goals for this week included finding myself a job, which I did. I got a job, but we all know the color of the grass on the other side of the fence, so now I have a job and I find myself thinking: is it the right job for me?

Oh, Lord. That’s a nut to crack, but we’ll see how it goes!

“I’ve always assumed ironing boards were surfboards that stopped pursuing their dreams and got real jobs.”

Would you rather be a surfboard or an ironing board?

To be continued.

x Anna