I wasn’t working until 8.30 am today, so I decided to walk to work. According to Google Maps the six kilometers were supposed to take me 1h 15 min, but the time (and speed) optimist that I am I figured I’ll do it in an hour. Well… As it usually does, this, too, turned out to be a workout (read: half running all the way), but boy wasn’t it good to walk instead of suffering through the typical hike + wait + bus + train combo.

I’ve walked to work whenever I’ve had shifts in Bondi, but Surry Hills has felt like a thousand miles away, so I haven’t even given it a thought. It took me a few last-minute Uber rides to learn that Google Maps is, in fact, right; it does take me 45 minutes to walk to the Bondi shop at an enjoyable pace, which means that it is not smart to leave the house 30 minutes before my shift starts.)

The map guided me through all of Centennial Park, a huuuuuge park right in between where I live and where I’ve worked for the past couple of months. Why have I not visited it until now?! It was so beautiful, so full of life with people running and biking – professional biking seems to be a big thing here – and walking their dogs, not to mention the canvas of orange, gold and green trees. Everyone seemed to be there, kids, grannies, even the occasional horse rider, and it wasn’t even 8 am – on a Sunday!

I found myself thinking back to when I used to live on the 4th floor right in front of a park or actually a soccer field in Helsinki, and a familiar feeling of excitement took over. I want to be one of those guys!

I want to be out there, running, jumping, doing squats; full of adrenaline, full of endorphins. Alive.

So what hinders me?

The light behind the closed doors.

The door.

Yes – the door. So overly powerful it stands in my way like a brick wall rising up high into the sky. I come home from work but it’s already dark outside, or cold, or rainy, or (better or worse, I’m not sure) my alarm goes off in the early morning but I’d rather stay in bed… and I have to write my morning pages, too, so I don’t have time for a run, not even a 15-minute one, or a walk (why bother walking?) although I know how good I’ll feel about it afterwards. I’m 100% sure it’ll be worth it, yet I so easily end up not going because I-don’t-even-know-why.

Is it comfort? Laziness? The fact that I want nothing more than to sit down after a whole day of running back and forth, quite literally at work; yet I am pushing myself to get out, get moving, GO!

Where I used to live in Helsinki I had the same (let’s call it a) challenge. My energy levels sunk notably when I downgraded from the light and bright 4th floor apartment to the basement that became my home for the following couple of years. Despite having a full size window, the flat was located one floor below ground level, meaning that the view on offer was that of cars parked in front of a concrete wall. Only by pressing my nose against the window was I able to see the sky, which meant that I never knew what the weather was like. Did I come home from work chances were that I would not leave the door again until the next morning. There was nothing to be seen, nothing to be heard; no kids chasing the ball early on a Saturday night, motivating me, too, to go outside. No one was there except for the occasional smoker, and I hated it. It was like a black hole, differing from Billabong Gardens only by my stuff not getting lost. What a mental block.

The door, my enemy.

Yet you know on the other side of it there is so much energy to be gained. Life.

 

You can, so just do it. Just do it.

Anyone else out there who’s struggling to get over the threshold? 

If yes, then my advice for you is to just do it – especially when you kinda just want to but not really. You’ll be happy you did.

xx Anna