My next post was going to be all about how to create a life for yourself that you enjoy, and how to live your dreams without staying in bed, but that’s not quite how I feel right now so I’ll have to save it for later.

Once upon a time this (the above) was where I lived. For nearly two months, this, or something similar to it, was the view #fromwhereIstand. Intense days of yoga, meditation and thoughts about life; beach after beach after beach, one more beautiful than the other, and sunsets followed by sunrises. Early mornings and early evenings; a simple life. I loved it, but at the time being it was what I was used to, so I guess, at times, I forgot how lucky I was.

When my friend from home joined me in Vietnam for her first proper break from work in in nearly two years, she was in heaven, while I was in what had become my everyday environment. Amazed by the beauty around her, she wouldn’t stop talking about how pretty it was. The soothing sound of the waves rolling in and the tickling sensation when dipping one’s toes in the sand, the contrast of the palm trees against the clear blue sky and the stars in the sky at night…

While she did not want to talk about going home in X days, for each day that went by I was getting more and more excited about finally getting to see everyone so soon after such a long time away. I could not wait for Wednesday the 13th when we’d arrive in Helsinki, but she preferred not to even think about it.

All good things come to an end, though, as we all know.

Now I’m back in Finland and the Holidays are over (ish) and the view outside my window is slightly different from the above, and what used to be is starting to creep in on me.

What do I want to do? Where do I want to be?

Should I stay or should I go?

When I first arrived, there was no doubt about it. I was so sure, and I still am, but somehow I feel like the ship that’s me is drifting away from the shore, so to speak. Things have changed, not only in my life but in the lives of everyone around me as well, yet everything is the same – for me it is.

My mom tells me to stop running away from whatever it is that I seem to be running away from, I don’t know. I’m not quite sure I agree with that, but how to break free from what used to be?

How to get back to those (new) routines of yours that have served you so well, but that all of a sudden seem so very difficult to keep up with? To get yourself out of bed when your alarm clock rings in the early morning even though you’ve got no plans for the day? To let go of what no longer serves you and put into practice what does, no matter how hard it might initially seem? To readapt to life back home without slipping back into old patterns, thoughts and behavior alike?

Where goes the line between accepting what is and what ’should’ be (side note: NOTHING), and striving for what could be?

What could be.

Anything could be. The question is:

WHAT DO I WANT?

‘If I had all the treasure in the world, I would retire now and become a poet.’
The old man smiled. ‘No’, he said.
‘If you retire now and become a poet, you will have all the treasure in the world.’
– Atticus

I think it’s time to take a break from all the catch ups & coffees and figure out what I think of things.

x
Anna